Ken Little’s Diary: July 30, 2020, 4:00 AM, Kona, Hawaii
I just had one of the most vivid/apocalyptic/metaphorical dreams of my entire life!
AND… It was about my entire life!
It all started in somewhere like in Dallas/Fort Worth? with friends in a hotel somewhere?
We were all involved in some sort of art festival or exhibition, a party?
It was an orgy without sex.
It was a kinesthetic experience.
I don’t want to lose it.
It all started with life/ ordinary kind of experiences: everyday conversations, eating, shopping, just stuff you do every day, then…..
We all went into this big building downtown where all this spectacle was going on. There were sculptures, performances, paintings, movies, etc.
We all got completely covered in “art residue”.
I kept picking up stuff and putting it on my back like a dung beetle.
I saw almost everyone I can remember in my life, (except my father, Dawson Little). There was my grandmother, Sis, my mother, Nadyne, and my brothers Mark and Joe Ed. There was Caroline Boggs and our daughter, Faye; Mary Warner, and our daughter, Clare. There was Cathy Cunningham.
There were lots of friends like Harry Geffert, Lynn Perkins, Rudy Autio, John Buck, Deborah Butterfield, Dennis Coffman, Kristi Hager, Riley Robinson, Justin Korver, Chris Erck, and on and on….
We all became part of this thing.
Every room, every hallway, everywhere I stepped there were friends, students, family, all participating in this “Circus” of sensual, synesthetic fantasy. It was never scarry or frightening. It was a trip through life, metaphorically. I literally became encrusted, like my sculptures, in the detritus of life/ the trash, the memories the leavings of it all.
It gave me the most complete sense of closure/ of seeing it all/ seeing everyone/ feeling/ hearing/ tasting everything.
It was all so strong and I am losing it fast so I have to keep writing.
I was driving and/or riding in a big bus with everyone, with all this. Everyone was talking and reveling in our experience. There was crusty dangling stuff hanging all over us. We were all pleasant and happy. I was euphoric.
Then.. I woke up!
Shaking, with tears in my eyes….
I have to get up. I have to write this down.
I know I can’t really get the whole thing.
Shit! It was So real! So Complete! Like being in some strange surreal movie. But there was nothing bad in it. Nothing frightening. But there was allot of stuff outside the normal. I wish I could describe it more completely.
Anyway I woke up here in Hawaii, back home with the coqui frogs, and Cathy asleep beside me.
I was very excited. I felt complete closure, like I said.
I literally feel like I have changed. I have accepted this whole circus that has been my life.
I have seen all my friends, everyone. I have completed the cycle. I have really “retired”.
I am looking back on it all and reveling in the gifts, the experience, the history…
But it was all in the moment, in the present time. There was no good/bad, no evil, no anger, no dread, no guilt, no ego, nothing negative.
Like a miracle, I somehow feel I have reached a peace within myself, a peace about being alive.
I don’t feel like it’s over. I just know it was all a wonderous bath of multi-sensual/ sublime ecstasy, a rare gift, but one we all have. It only needs to be recognized, like the awakening of the Buddha.
It gives me such a great sense of peace and confidence in completing my life. I am really ready to enjoy every day, every moment, every friend, my family…..all of it.
I really wish I had a recording or movie of this dream. I felt it through all my senses, completely.
Nothing bad. Nothing Scary. No Guilt. Nothing.
And this awakening gives me such peace, such literal joy in being alive. My life. Our lives.
It is all good. I don’t need forgiveness. I don’t need anything. I can love and be loved by it all, by everyone.
What an incredible feeling to rise above the everyday struggle of life, to transcend the worries, the guilt, the fear, the questioning. To just feel alive and know the joy of taking a breath, then releasing it. To feel the touch, and to laugh with someone, everyone. To not feel like I have to accomplish something in order to worth anything.
In fact, there is no “worth”. It is all just a beautiful gift, the gift of life.
It is beautiful, so start feeling it! Enjoying it!
Not because it is going to be over. But because it is here, now. It is a gift. It is here every second, every day, every year.
What a revelation.
This is the dream I want to live in every day. This needs to be my life every day. It is all a gift. Get over it. Love it. Share it.
Such peace. It is like rebooting my whole life, resetting the account. No debts to pay. No apologies. Just gifts every day. Never ordered. Never desired, just there.
Wake up and recognize this.
It is there waiting.
STOP!
Enjoy your life, feel the love, the experience.
You don’t own it.
Be thankful you can borrow it for a time.